You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
