You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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