i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
