OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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