I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
