I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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