This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize