If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
