dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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