i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
