so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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