when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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