Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
