You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
