opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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