you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
a search helicopter?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
