Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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