everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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