I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
