I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize