Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
