It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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