Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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