he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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