I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His hands were made for my vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
