Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
