i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
