Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
