just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize