Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think your dad took our porno
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
