none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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