Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
