They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
