thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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