cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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