On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
