Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize