just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
try to milk me bitch
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