I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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