This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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