dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
