I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
