get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
