pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
