The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
