Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
