Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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