good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
