Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
