i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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