Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
