pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
