ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
