It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
