Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
