I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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