ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
