this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
