Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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