She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
