Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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