What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
