making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
