last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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