So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
