just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
