suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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