covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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