Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
